The Ruegg crew–1980
Years ago when my husband Steve was two-and-a-half years into his first pastorate and our three children were ages five and under, I found myself over-committed.
Sundays, of course, included Sunday School, church, and an evening service. Mondays we hosted a small group in our home that grew to about 30 (which, in my mind, required a clean house plus fresh iced tea and coffee). Thursday evening was choir practice.
From a handful of members to a loft-full; I’m 5th from the left
Every other week, I facilitated a Moms’ support group/Bible study. Also on the to-do list: leading Children’s Church each Sunday for a year, and participating in numerous other activities that happened on a less frequent schedule.
Do you see any issues here?! I didn’t.
All this activity felt important for the growth and community-building of our church that had been dying before we arrived. As a result, I was always on the go between the responsibilities there and at home. Sometimes I resented it (which can be one of the symptoms of striving too hard).
But the bustle felt gratifying too. In seeking to please the people around me, I was feeding my own neediness for validation. Pride and self-satisfaction lurked in the corners of my soul—wrong reasons for the striving. In addition, I was discovering those attitudes are never satiated.
What’s a Type-A person–who wants to do what’s right–supposed to do?
The following questions can help us evaluate our choices of activity, how many we choose, as well as analyze the motivations behind them:
Am I propelled most days by determination or devotion?
The determined person rarely reads her Bible or prays except on the run. Her calendar is impressively full of good-deed commitments for others, but contentment is illusive.
This woman may know that a quiet time spent with God refreshes and transforms the spirit, but she can’t seem to make it happen.
Do I find myself pressing on (to the point of exhaustion), while rarely pressing in to be strengthened?
Pressing in includes connecting with God throughout the day, especially in the thick of stress, frustration, or anxiety. One means is to recite scripture verses that bring our focus back to our all-powerful, all-wise God. [1]
Such verses include:
- “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble” (Psalm 46:1).
- “Call on me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you will honor me” (Psalm 50:15).
- “The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him” (Lamentations 3:25).
God is ever-ready to help—with the choices before us, when to say yes and when to say no, as well as the right motivations behind those choices.
Does people-pleasing supersede God-pleasing in my life?
Author Shauna Niequist speaks for some of us when she asks: “Why am I doing this? What is it in me that keeps things moving so breakneck fast, . . . that sacrifices my own health and happiness so that people who aren’t me will think I’m doing a good job, in some vague, moving-target kind of way?”[2]
I too find my service for others frequently tinged with people-pleasing. Does that mean I should forego such activity until I can purify my intentions?
No, wrote author and pastor, Tim Keller: “If you wait until your motives are pure and unselfish before you do something, you will wait forever.”[3]
BUT! Our heavenly Father offers this glorious hope:
Because we are covered by Jesus’ righteousness, even our imperfect efforts to please God are acceptable. And as we grow in dependence upon Christ, he’ll purify our hearts more and more.[4]
* * * * * * * * * *
Father, I know it’s downright foolish of me to strive so hard, especially for all the wrong reasons. I want to be free from people-pleasing, self-gratification of the ego, and pride. Forgive me for giving room to such attitudes in my mind.
Help me to be an eager and compliant participant as you work within me to create a pure heart and make my attitudes new.
In the powerful name of Jesus, AMEN.
(Proverbs 4:23; Psalm 51:10; Romans 12:2)
[1] Psalm 72:12 ESV
[2] Present over Perfect, 58.
[3] The Reason for God: Belief in an Age of Skepticism
[4] Isaiah 61:10; Titus 2:11-14
Photo credits: Nancy Ruegg (2); http://www.dailyverses.net; http://www.pixabay.com (TheDigitalArtist); http://www.heartlight.org; http://www.dailyverses.net.